Updated: May 21, 2025
Social awkwardness is feeling like you're in a spotlight and being judged, or not knowing how to respond, or not belonging. It's not a flaw; it is simply a result of being out of practice, or thinking too hard about the moment.
Are you nervous in larger groups?
Is small talk a challenge?
Do you feel like you will be misunderstood, or say the "wrong" thing?
Being aware of that exact situation you feel awkward helps to create plans for the next time.
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Many of your awkward moments in conversations come from the fact that you are focusing too hard on talking and not listening genuinely.
Nod when you are engaged
Ask clarifying questions
Don't interrupt
When you refocus your attention away from what should I say or how do I respond, to what the other person is saying and the conversation seems more organic and less awkward.
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Your brain is saying:
“I sound strange.”
“They think I'm boring.”
“I’m not interesting enough.”
But trust that they are judging themselves and are not really concerned with you.
Train yourself to think:
“I can be a human.”
“That’s only a moment.”
“Everyone feels awkward at times.”
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You don’t need to write a script, but it does help to have an anchor for a few conversation starters.
"What music are you into right now?"
"Seen anything good on Netflix?"
"What have you been busy with?"
Familiar topics allow you to steer the conversation back into some comfort.
The pauses usually feel much longer in your head than they are. Rather than flustered, smile, breathe, and come back to the conversation.
Avoiding interactions only further embeds awkwardness. As you become accustomed to exposing yourself to different places - meetups, groups chats, community events - you will become more comfortable.
Start slow:
Greet the neighbor
Participate in a loose group chat
Comment in a group chat
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Your body language is worth more than what you say:
Make eye contact (but don't overdo it)
Stand or sit up straight
Smile (even a little smile makes a difference)
Positive body language allows others to connect with you - and makes you feel more confident.
You can attempt anonymous or social sites such as IncogChats in order to gain confidence in interacting with people. It's a low-stress channel to work on developing your confidence in conversation without fear of judgment.
Even the most self-assured individuals will have moments of awkwardness. Rather than avoiding awkwardness, own it. Laugh it off, make a quick comment and walk away. The more you are at peace with being awkward, the less awkwardness has power over you.
Anonymity emboldens one to speak freely, as on IncogChats, which is a safe environment to exercise new ways of conversing, be a good listener, and become more confident without any fear of embarrassment.
If it happens that you slip up or get embarrassed, don't bite your nails about it; everyone has these moments. After taking stock of it, accept it, smile to yourself, and walk away. Most people would have forgotten in less than five minutes-about it-if they haven't, then they're too busy focusing on their own embarrassment as well.
Fear of criticism: Fear of speaking something wrong or being hated.
Limited experience: Limited social interactions make you question what to do.
Negative experience: Rejection or disdain can make you gun-shy.
Perfectionism: Feeling that all conversations need to be perfect causes you undue stress.
Social anxiety disorder: A clinical disorder leading social interaction to be very stressful.
Social awkwardness is the feeling of discomfort and nervousness produced by a relatively undefined feeling of not knowing how to act in the presence of other people, what they might actually do to you, or what you can do to them. A person can feel socially awkward due to shyness, low self-esteem, social naivety, neurodiversity, with social anxiety or having autism.
You overthink too early on and afterwards when you speak.
You avoid crowds or hate small talk.
You are speechless in everyday conversations.
You laugh too hard at inappropriate times or catch yourself interrupting involuntarily.
You find it difficult to read social cues.
If social interactions tend to get you stuck or overthinking, begin with tiny, low-stakes interactions. These might be something as mundane as greeting your neighbor, visiting with the barista, or responding to an Instagram story. Gradually, these small acts of connection can build your confidence to approach larger social interactions like parties or meetings. You don't have to wake up one day and become a public speaking expert - even a random remark in a group conversation is progress. In fact, sites like IncogChats are designed for just this: an environment free of pressure to speak up without expectation, judgment, or fear. Without fear of being judged, it's much easier to just be yourself.
Social awkwardness is not a reflection of your personality - it's a momentary discomfort that can be overcome with practice and patience. Each conversation, each misstep, and each hesitation is a step closer to being more socially fluent.
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